CAPTAIN'S BLOG
I can remember the person I once was. The lover that I once was.
In my last relationship, I had established a self confidence that I could really rely on. I knew the person I was and the person I wanted to be. I had the inner strength to count on my own self worth - I was who I was, and I liked who I was. I believed in myself, and I believed in my partner. Realizing that I couldn't believe in my partner dealt a severe blow to my ability to trust myself. And in my ability to trust my partner. I've been rebuilding identity and self confidence since. How could I have been so wrong about someone? It's a devastating question.
0 Comments
I have loved many people with neurological personality orders in my life, and I've been close to many more, including myself. Perhaps there is an as-yet undiagnosed personality disorder rattling around in my head - or maybe my ADHD is as disruptive in my interpersonal life as it is with my work life, making an additional disorder unnecessary.
I know what it is like both to struggle with impulses, thoughts, and feelings that are hard or impossible to control. To be so overwhelmed with emotional intensity as to have no other recourse but to relieve it directly, regardless of the consequences. I've been an angry teenage boy punching holes in the walls, and a heartbroken teenage girl experiencing terrible emotional pain crying for hours for weeks at a time. Trying to make people love me - and trying to hurt people any way I can. Trying to seek help any way I can - and trying to protect myself anyway I can. Sacrificing too much to get too little, while the people without disorders look on in confusion. It can be hard for onlookers to understand the nature and impact of someone's disorder on their behaviour. It can be even harder to figure out what to do about it - oftentimes the person seems locked into behaving a certain way. No matter the input, the output remains the same. Rage, sadness, or anxiety of a level that your average person has never experienced. The way that these emotions twist the behaviours of people in the moment, and over time, is what is often misunderstood, and what is wanted to be understood by people like me and the people I've loved. Read More for my thoughts on what people ought to know about the people in their lives with a personality disorder of one sort or another. How should we treat our friends, family, and loved ones who have the type of disorders that make it hard to love them? How should we feel when we decide someone isn't in the right place for us to stay near them? Millions of people across the world are faced with this very decision - whether that behavioural disorder is among the Cluster B personality disorders, one of the other categories, or comes with the falsely legitimizing label of "Religion". Would You Leave Your Partner If You Found Someone Who Was A Better Match? Or: Monogamy Vs Polyamory7/10/2016 This is one of the bazillions of questions asked by the OKCupid dating site.
I think it was worded somewhat more precisely like this: "If you met someone who was a better match for while in a dedicated relationship, would you pursue that person?" And my answer was Yes. And I would really expect anyone to do this if the same happened to them. This doesn't mean that I don't believe in commitment or working to make things work. In fact, I believe in them very much - I don't automatically think that the ways in which two people don't get along means it's not worth working at. The nature of gradual change works with this, as people tend to change gradually instead of suddenly, cushioning the shock of when people change for the worse, instead of the better. Often, some reflection can reveal a startling delta between the person one first met and the person they are with now. But here's where polyamoury comes into it, and changes everything, from a heartless and irrational endeavour to a loving and rational one. First up, I'll quickly state again that I do not in any way think all people with BPD are bad, or dangerous, or should be emotionally avoided.
Aria was unable to control herself, and she reacted the way she did because there was no other possible way for her to act. She is a victim of circumstance and bad luck, and I pity her for that. I was a victim of her circumstance as well, unfortunately. Below the jump is my response to a commenter, whose post you can find here. |
AuthorChristina Hitchens is a trans female writer living in BC, Canada. She loves computers, animals, and a good argument. Archives
March 2022
Categories
All
|