CAPTAIN'S BLOG
I am supposed to be working on something else, so this will be quick, but in regards to my last post, I have concluded that I need to be more vulnerable and connect more fully with Foxx.
I am afraid. She is a truly wonderful woman, and it will be devastating to lose someone like her, to rattle her cage like Freya has rattled mine. But I love Freya, and connecting with her emotionally, though occasionally regrettable to be fair, has been extremely rewarding and revolutionary for my life and my wellbeing, and I love her because of it. The complicated nature of our relationship is what gives it strength - I know it is resilient from our baser natures because it has been tested and it has survived. We forgive each other. We grow. We understand. We put those voices we steal from one another to away forever together. And that is the kind of relationship I want with Foxx. A real one. Hopefully one where I can apply what I've learned with Freya from the start, instead of cobbling it all together in the middle of a crisis. I'm just You know A walking bundle of anxieties and fears and insecurities... and when I think about how she's described others, who were hurting more than she could handle... she would try for me, right? She would take the time for me right? I know what it's like to love someone who needs more than I can offer. It's painful. I feel like if true, it's already too late. If she reads something like this, she'll know - and she'll keep a distance between us. Alright. Enough. Time to get out of my head. Please.
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AuthorChristina Hitchens is a trans female writer living in BC, Canada. She loves computers, animals, and a good argument. Archives
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