CAPTAIN'S BLOG
The NinetailsLife partner.
Fiancee. Wife. Lover. This is what you are to me. You are the flame that keeps me warm at night. I am the torch that catches your light. You've had a hard journey. It is still burdensome - I can see it in your shoulders, they weigh heavy with the challenges of your life. And that nauseating cliche is true - those burdens have made you strong. The strongest woman I've ever known. A force of nature - a goddess in her own right. You are a formidable woman, strong like all three of your namesakes. Like a mighty wood, you are strong because you have been tested. The winds of adversity have crashed upon you for years - sometimes with hurricane force. But you've stood against them. Grown new branches where old ones failed. And now our woods have grown together. A thick forest now resides in East Vancouver - populated by at least two cats, a deer, a fox, and whatever Quinn turns out to be. I've never known someone intimately for as long as I've known you. I've never grown so much with someone. Never been through so much with someone. No one has stayed by my side as long as you. As densely wooded as we are, sometimes our fires spread into the others wood. We hurt each other, like people who love each other do sometimes, but to watch you learn yourself is truly a thing of beauty. I find myself falling in love with you all over again every time I see it in action - every time you reach out to me when I'm no longer in my window, every time you recover yourself when you're out of your window. I'm sorry I cannot be there for you the way I used to - I hate about myself that those circuits seem to have been closed since Marion. You deserve my water buckets, my fire teams, my complicated network of tubes and glass. But I am inspired by you. Where I was once burned, new growth sprouts. See you struggle to become the kind of person you want yourself to be reminds me how hard that struggle is, but it no longer feels so hopeless when I see you succeed where others, including myself seemed to have failed. I love you. The branches of our love provide cover for the rest of our growing family, the broad roots supporting us while we grow and search for light. I still remember our magical times together - the old man outside the Magic Sword concert, wandering around Metrotown candyflipping, The Gay Porn Incident, The Transphobe At The Waterpark, asking for my handin about marriage on that beachhead in New Brighton, but most of all, it's always seeing your eyes looking at me for the first time, that feeling like someone was really seeing me will stay with me forever. So I guess it's true what they say: foxes are hard to domesticate, but they are truly wonderful companions.
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AuthorChristina Hitchens is a trans female writer living in BC, Canada. She loves computers, animals, and a good argument. Archives
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