CAPTAIN'S BLOG
The funny thing about polyamory is that it involves a great deal more working things out than in most monogamous relationships. Serial monogamy requires abandoning one partner in order to even begin exploring the potential of another partner, so there's actually less social pressure on giving up than there is with serial monogamy. It also gives us a rather surprisingly useful way to redirect our more powerful negative emotions - the jealousy that one might feel over a loved one having experiences one cannot offer their loved one can be redirected - after some practice, no doubt - into being happy that your partner is having a part of her needs satisfied that she would otherwise go without.
It also fits in rather neatly with the idea that one ought be concerned about the wellbeing of conscious creatures, because if we're talking about maximizing the wellbeing of humans, especially the ones we care about, one of the best ways to do that is to deal with one's insecurities and hangups, especially if those issues are keeping your partner from having their wellbeing maximized. If there's a way to build new, strong connections with new people while keeping the new, strong connections with the existing people in our lives, then that also seems like it would overall be of benefit to one's wellbeing, as it reduces the loss that one might experience in life. The additional connections between people and the impact it has on relationships creates a dense network of support and interactions, which is, for someone as big a fan of networks as I, very interesting. Communal living is an interesting aspect of this concept, and the idea of allowing many people to live together to form many unique relationships extremely intriguing, and I think ultimately adds to the denseness of the experiences in our life. And life is all about experiences. If you can add to the richness of someone else's experiences, I think that is one of the best things one person can do for another person. And invariably, when things go wrong, instead of needing to jump ship to learn when distracted by someone new, the needs of everyone can be dealt with as honestly as possible, and we can all venture into the great big place that is the future together, supporting each other as we go because it's fucking ugly out there sometimes. The only thing that stays the same is how things always change, so trying to preserve an existing relationship as it is is not only boring, but impossible. Polyamory gives a rudder to the otherwise rudderless process of sorting between the what your emotions want, what you want, and what will actually make you happy. It's kinda like building a bigger boat. I guess I don't really know how to conclude this, other than to suggest that you think honestly about I say and how it might improve your life and relationships.
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AuthorChristina Hitchens is a trans female writer living in BC, Canada. She loves computers, animals, and a good argument. Archives
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